my thoughts, they burned my brain

naked, exposed to the weather and time, words and eyes. those eyes.

this is the soul at it's darker hours.

I'm pretty frustrated right now. At least, I was about twenty minutes ago. Decisions are not my forte, and I'm facing a couple right now. I was walking to my dorm room from home after a not so quaint goodbye to the parents and I just began imagining that I was the only one in the world who was so confused. I realized very quickly, of course, that this is not the case. But it would almost be better if it was. I hate advice sometimes. I am not sure why. I think it comes from a deep pride I have that is, well, deep... I don't quite understand that part of myself very well and it sometimes bothers me. It especially comes out when I'm facing something: a paper, a test, a project, a problem, a big decision, or things like that. Extreme procrastination mixed with some serious distraction issues are the symptoms. Along with the occassional sour-skittles-sour mood. The kind that makes your insides come out your mouth and burn and stab and hurt everyone around you. That bites... haha... But really.
I'm over it.
But the decisions is still there and not getting any easier. I guess these are the times life becomes super confusing. What the heck? School? Grades? Time? Food? Exercise? Why? What if there was no pressure in the world? What if... etc. The blues would be old news and our hopes would be the reality of a sore toe after a confrontation with a nice brick. Yep, that would be life. I hate blogging. I suck. My thoughts should be my own. But at the same time, there is something so attractive about putting on the internet with a picture or something. Huh?

I wish I could post up some sweetly edited (or at least taken) pictures like the skills of Jerry allow, but alas, this is it. I am glad though, at least, that I am able to finally experiment a little and that Anthony Handel introduced me to Picasa. Quite the nifty little porgram. Perhaps in the future, things will get better... :) For now, this is my two-minute attempt. And I'm hungry. 

E.G.'s been right the whole time: it's all about character.

basically, the way i figure it, God doesn't really give a rip about who we are, except on the inside. everyone makes it clear that He sees the inside of man while we look on the outside, but i really think that's the ONLY place He looks. i believe that's why people who don't seem to be such hot stuff go so far "when God uses them." it's just that He sees an honest character, one that is nearly a photocopy of His own, and that just automatically makes them really great people. and it totally makes sense. God is God, the Lord of the universe. He IS. and no one else or anything else, ever, never, is like that. So when part of Him, aka: a good character, is cultivated in someone's life, it is only natural that it will flourish and grow and spread, because that's exactly what God would do, that's what He is! maybe that doesn't make sense. i don't care, although i guess i wish i could explain my thought better. but either way, i think i understand it for myself, and that's the important part. it's something i can learn from. my life, what i accomplish and do and say and think, they don't really matter that much. it's all about the how. it's all about why. it's all about for whom. in a way. and yet, it's just something that doesn't seem able to be put into words.

i don't get it.

but yet, i do. God is so good, and that's really a deep, foundational truth that will never EVER be changed or abolished or overshadowed by anything. HE is the core to all. to everything i know and understand. His will is done. His love endures forever. His grace is amazing. it doesn't matter what we believe or how we believe it or live it, He's still Him and will never be anything else BUT GOD. that is really good news. i just wish that i could truly give myself over to the mercy of His character, to the changing love that He is. i just imagine myself, my life, being so much...better? that doesn't seem to be a good enough word. i would have a real life. a true one. one that means something and has purpose. character seems to bring those things to life. and maybe the simple word, character, doesn't really describe it well. it's probably so much broader and yet so much more simple than that. what does character mean??? i guess we all have our own ideas. i won't even try to share mine, but i think it's something that i can see at least. and like i said, that is enough for me. is it enough for you?