i was just reading about job and his three friends in my old testament studies book. they discuss retribution theology, the idea that good is rewarded with good while sin has bad consequences. at the end of the chapter, it kind of mentions that this is true to the way God does things. In a general sense. and i suppose i agree. but it gave me a little thought. perhaps one that is old, nothing original on my part, but it is certainly new for me. at least, a new way of thinking of this general idea. i guess i have always imagined that even good is sometimes rewarded by evil here on this earth...just because of that lousy sin. and sometimes, evil is rewarded by good. it's not always fair, good people suffer, etc. but... just now, i think a new angle came to mind. it may be totally off, but it's something i might ponder. it is that perhaps i am right, that sometimes good turns out bad, etc. but that might only be for things we do or are done to us. we might do good things, be on time, finish our homework, get good grades always be nice and all this great stuff, and our parents still might get divorced or our brother die or our uncle kill someone and land in jail or all our money burn up in a fire or all our best friends move to turkey or something. it could happen. and of course, on the flip side, there are plenty of bad people (tend to be famous) who have a lot of cool stuff going for them like money, power, influence, lots of food, etc. Ok, BUT, what if retribution theology is right for what goes on inside of us! our CHARACTER! i think that God always rewards faithful, good, honest, pure character with good. no matter what. in a sense, our character, who WE are, what we are, who I am, is the only thing I can control. All that other stuff, no matter what kind of good guy I am, could all be out of my control. right? I think. mostly, at least, huh? anyway, so if I am a good guy, who tries to be faithful to my God, bad stuff may happen to me all the time. but, unlike what job's friends were thinking (if I understand the story correctly), it wouldn't be because i had sinned (necessarily) or anything like that. it's just sin. it could all be out of my control. but in the end, at least, my faithful self, the heart i gave to God, my submissive nature and devoted heart to God will be rewarded by good. i would say that a lot of the reward could eventually happen even here on earth, but if not, we certainly have heaven to look forward to.
it's like, God doesn't make sin, and we don't make sin either. but sin is. just because we chose to let it come. and then we blame God for that. i don't think we fully understand that whole situation, but i don't think we can blame God. we don't see the whole picture. and i suppose you don't have to believe that God does either. it might be hard if you believe that He is a jerk who lets good people suffer. but their suffering isn't His fault, He isn't doing it, and if they just complain and do bad things because of their suffering, then He certainly won't be rewarding them any time soon. However, if that person decides in their heart to just believe that God is God and good and love and all that He is, then I believe that person will be rewarded for exuding that kind of character during his/her suffering.
and wow. that is a lot of talk for a blog no one reads. but that's ok. i might read it later or something. at least i got it out. : ) peace

The colors are amazing here right now. Tim invited me to go with him and some others up to his parent's cabin near Gatlinburg. We were just basking in the brilliant yellows and reds and oranges on the way up. Truly, God is an amazing artist who holds nothing back when making the best of things for His loved ones (us). We enjoyed the fire there, and some good food his mom made for us. Sleeping well after many a funny song by the toasty fire, we woke up late and enjoyed another meal and a perfect day. We took a walk, kicked the soccer ball around, lazed by the cabin, snapped some super shots of the surrounding shades of scrumptious s-leaves, and just had a wonderful Sabbath. That night was Gatlinburg: the traffic, pollution, ugly, smoking, drinking, and out-of-shape people enjoying the town, beans and cheese and oily tortilla chips, and some good times. Needless to say, we slept well again. And woke up late again. And then had a good drive home through a little more traffic and some super-swell, satisfying fall colors. A little pit stop at the Bell made the weekend complete and we all arrived in Cdale quite content with what we accomplished this mid-term break. Of course... now it's back to the books.

A couple of days ago I was going through my day trying to figure out what I was alive for. I was so tired, my day so full of dumb stuff that just wasn't worth very much. Life felt dull, rather pointless, a blowage of the wind, and falling of a leaf, a mopping of a mechanic's garage. What was the point? How in the world did my life make any difference? And so I wondered and wandered. Now I realize the answer to that question is very simple: I am alive so that I can go to sleep as soon as I can every night. That's right. I am just tired. If I'm tired from a hard day, I want to sleep. All day, the idea of laying down my head tempts me. In the middle of lunch, in the middle of a boring spanish lecture, in the warmth of a cozy afternoon sun, in the middle of some invigorating laps at the pool! I guess that's how life is. The busier we get, the sooner we can go to sleep.

Wait... that sounds really stupid. Yes, sir, it sounds rather retardiculous to me. That's because I still don't know what chris clouzet's purpose is. I suppose I have made the occasional human being laugh or giggle a little. I have stooped to pick up something my pal has dropped. I have given a ride or two, (while definitely enjoying dozens...) I have shared a meal once in a while, I have smiled, laughed, been cheerful. But who cares? It certainly doesn't seem worth all the studying and working and being bored or tired or hurt, to me. Sometimes I wish that I didn't matter to anyone else in the world. In the sense that I could just run around or sit around, whichever my heart so desired. Instead, I am dragged around by some invisible, tugging string to each day's dumb classes, to the exercises that make me stronger and healthier, to the food that makes my stomach protrude, to the worships that we are all oh-so-woe-to-us "forced" to go to, to the home that houses my family, to the church that I worship in, to the car or bike or shoes that get me places, to the soccer games that I paid $75 to play in. Now, I grabbed some of those strings. But others I most certainly did NOT grab. And still others are ones that I wish I could latch onto only when I felt like it. Then there is that issue of feelings... Should we go by them or not? I've heard not. It makes me wonder why we have them, however.

In conclusion to the hope-you-put-your-boots-on-cuz-this-was-a-deep-blog blog, I guess I just have to say that the question still remains. The air is it's owner, the place where it stays for now. I almost venture to say that it will remain there until this life has been lived, perhaps then and only then will the strings make sense, the purpose become clear, the answers fade into visibility. And so, I suppose with that depressing thought, I will grab ahold of the string making me feel guilty that I am not studying my dang Hebrew...