After reading EG’s (Ellen G. White) writings more or less on the subject, I realized that I was only partly right. God wants us yes, to remember the good things, that we may have wonderful hope for future times. And yet at the same time, He leaves us numerous examples in the Bible of sins and wrongdoings, of mistakes and selfishness that left the doer deep in consequences of his sin. Ellen speaks of Jacob’s sin and of twenty years of hatred between his brother and he. And of Elijah’s lack of faith when fleeing from Jezebel. And of the ten spies who did not see God also behind the giant walls of their enemies. And of many more who perhaps only made one mistake. David, for example, as well. And each one of these men of God reaped the consequences. And because, she says, it is so important not to allow even one step off the path towards heaven, God has allowed these examples to be left for each one of us today in the Bible. That we may read and understand this concept, that we may learn the lesson by others’ examples before having to learn it by our own. So there it is, God wants us to remember those bad things, the mistakes that others’ have made. And we may assume, I believe, that we may also therefore remember our own mistakes and learn from them as well.

However.

Ellen did not end there. After each example of sin that reaped consequences, often very big, was a repentance in each man’s heart. A new realization of God’s love and perfect wisdom. A submission of the heart to the God who created them. And because of this, the Righteous Judge blessed them. He brought good out of the bad through His mercy. Jacob’s life was changed at the moment he wrestled with the angel. Elijah’s life of faithful servitude towards God allowed him, although not able to finish his earthly work, to be taken to heaven without dying. The ten spies never repented and died wandering in the desert, but the two faithful spies were given choice lands in the promised land that they would live to conquer. And David. David’s sin caused him much sadness and remorse, but in the end, he is the one whom they call “a man after God’s own heart.” And there’s the second part. Although God, in His wisdom and love, leaves us the sinful examples of great men in our past, He also gently places the turnarounds, the submissions, the repentance of evil, and all the rewards thereof. God is not one to hold back His blessings. He is not one to judge the evil only, but also the good. He loves to remember and acknowledge His children’s changes of heart, their submission to His will, their renewing trust in His love and mercy. My God, your God, He is God and there is no other.

Got back from Brazil yesterday morning at a very early and tiring 5 am. It was a beautiful trip though, full of new places, foods, and experiences. Rio de Janeiro is a pretty cool city. Huge, lots of poor people, transvestites, beautiful beaches, mountains all mixed in with skyscraping apartments and poor neighborhoods. And above it all is the Cristo Redentor.

Six of us got to stay a few days longer than the big group, and we decided to go stay a couple days at The Grand Island about three hours away. It has lovely beaches and lots of touristy hotels and restaurants that although small, are a bit pricey. At least for the norm. Anyway, that was really really beautiful too and I loved it. But we ended up having to buy our food each meal on Sabbath and pay for our campsite and go to the beach and all that. Plus, we never really had a worship or anything. I've grown up in perhaps a rather conservative Adventist circle, so this experience was a little uncomfortable for the conscience. Looking back at it, I just went along and didn't actually think about it too much. I don't think we did anything wrong either, but it still makes me wonder about the concreteness of my beliefs and why I believe things, etc.

We also had some experiences where we had to be a little more assertive, say to a taxi driver who was trying to scam us, and those times also made me think. Basically, it seems that I am coming across two separate ways of bieng a christian. There is the first one, the one that most people seem to live and which works out fine and dandy. It's like you just be a good person, do what you need to do to be a christian, but leave room for buying things on the Sabbath, sometimes speaking a bit harshly and directly at people, or enjoying yourself in ways that might not let other people automatically know you are indeed a christian. And then there's the other way. Which in my mind seems more like Jesus. Ouch, I know. More of a sacrifice everything style. Where everyone else is special and needs to be treated kindly. Where sticking strictly to what you believe (for me things like not eating meat, not paying for things on Sabbath unless absolutely necessary, not watching TV or movies on Sabbath, treating everyone as kind as I can, etc) is very important and goes above convenience. Where really, no matter what you are doing, it could be seen as being done for the glory of God. As a good and decent and christ-like thing to do.

I want to say that the Jesus style is obviously better and everyone should strive for it. But then I stop myself and say that we oughtn't simply let people run over us and step on our toes and that we shouldn't give a little here and there to accomodate for certain situations (in reference to beliefs). That just wouldn't be right either, it seems. And yet, how can I be living for Jesus, be a citizen of heaven, an alien here on earth, someone that otherws will hate because they hated Jesus too, when all I do is basically the same as everyone else?? Maybe all I do differently is go to church on Sabbath. And that's nothing too different as I have only lived in Adventist communities my entire life. It's not like anything I do is really "out there" to other people. I don't know. It's hard for me to explain.

Basically, I feel that there are the real, sacrificing Christ-lovers who decide that this life isn't worth that much except to save others' lives and there are the more comfortable christians who blend in with the world but are still good people and live good, respectable lives. Right now, I am a comfortable christian. I don't feel a burden to tell everone I meet about the saving blood of Jesus Christ. I don't ever become sad about all the people who live and die every day without being able to know the God that I know. I don't become depressed or anxious thinking about all the sick, parentless, discouraged people out there who I could be helping or praying for. I'm comfortable. And yet, there seems to be something inside of me tugging me a different way. Reminding me that there is a mansion for me in heaven. That faith in God doesn't only mean that I need to trust him to cure me from my cold, but that He will also provide a reward for the suffering and pain and rejection I may go through on this earth by living only for Jesus and having to sacrifice me to do it. I think someday I will let go.

For now, I will continue contemplating. And observing others. I think there are others who feel the same way. Others who want to let go, but are so comfortable. The scene I imagine if even just half of the SDA youth of today were to totally let go is a beautiful scene. I think we could really change the world. And that would mean my mansion would be that much closer.